I've always had the goal of nursing my babies for a year. I'm not sure where I came up with that goal. I know in part it had something to do with not wanting to spend money on formula or tote formula around with me. I'm sure that is mixed in with wanting to bond with baby and giving baby what's "best". (I know bottle feeding mamas are starting to bristle. Please don't feel condemned by this cheapskate.) I didn't meet that goal with my last two babies. Something went wrong with my milk production around the four month mark. This decrease in production may have coincided with my lack of patience for squirmy babies who can't focus, my desire to have a full night's sleep, and my addiction to Mountain Dew. When you pee at night before bed and you realize you haven't had to go since you woke up that morning, you probably aren't getting enough water. So the weening process started earlier with Schroeder and Maggie, and they were both done breast feeding by 7-9months. I've made the choice to not rest my mind on guilty thoughts. Guilt can swallow mothers up whole if they let it.
I've also decided that I'm throwing out this one year goal. I'm replacing that big goal with three little ones. First, I plan to drink water when I sit down to nurse. Secondly, I plan to nurse "on demand". That is, as long as baby doesn't take advantage of her eating freedom. And lastly, I plan to minimize multi-tasking during nursing. This is my first post iPhone baby. This is a GOOD thing as surfing my iPhone takes less than working on my laptop. Still, it's good to just unplug for twenty minutes and look at my baby...to take in her beauty and pick the wax out of her ear. I'm not sure where these goals will take us. I'm determined to just see how it goes and breakdown to buy formula if I need to.
Maggie pulled her shirt up the other day to nurse her baby. I loved it. It's less complicated to nurse babies around big sisters than big brothers. When Maggie was born my boys were four and one. Now, they are four and almost seven. I like that they get to see how a baby is cared for. They'll never be mommies, but they will hopefully be present, aware daddies someday. Maybe they'll even deliver a baby like their daddy did. I'm still working out how I feel about how covered up I should be around them. Is it weird that Schroeder asks if she has drank on both sides? He is adamant that I should say drink and not eat. "She is drinking milk not eating it!" Julian is more aware of the social awkwardness of it all. If mom needs privacy when she dresses and showers than does she need it while she nurses? The two of us are working out our boundaries. It seems to be a theme lately that we ask "How hippie are we?".