Halloween 2012 looks like this.

Thoughts on this pregnancy and eventual delivery.

As many of you have heard, Stephen and I are expecting another baby.  This will be baby number five and as far as we are concerned, our last.  We went to our midwife today and had a chance to hear this little one's heartbeat.  I had two major thoughts while we were there.  First, I had a little bit of fear and eventually loads of gratefulness to even hear the heartbeat.  When I had my first baby, I was twenty-three.  I was pretty young and one of the first gals my age, in my group of friends and acquaintances to start a family.  Now, it seems many, many of my friends have had or are having babies, and many of my friends have experienced some sort of loss.  They have walked into their first appointment to discover their baby had no heartbeat, have lost a baby at 12, 20, or 30 weeks along, have lost their baby during delivery, or have given birth only to lose them too soon afterwards.  Being close to so much loss is making me savor the simple sweetness of a little heartbeat.
I was also thinking how much I appreciate my midwife.  She's a lady I haven't seen in two years, who knew me, knew my history, and welcomed me back into her home with a hug.  She still had my sweet Maggie's picture up on her wall from two years ago.  Gosh, I'm so grateful for the personal care I've received from her and from our previous midwife in Texas.  It's the kind of care that I'm happy to forgo an epidural for (ok...I had like ten contractions total during my last labor).  They have both been personal and educated.
I got a chance to be around for a friend's hospital delivery the other day.  The nurses weren't sure if the baby was breach or not because of where the found the baby's heart beat on with the monitor.  It didn't matter since the c-section was scheduled already. I was surprised, though, that they weren't trained to palpitate her stomach and figure it out right there.  My midwife taught me how to determine for myself several pregnancies ago whether my baby was head down.  I guess they can just use an ultrasound machine....  (I should also mention, just as a disclaimer, that that nurse was kind, professional, and competent.)
I read an article recently about Tori Spelling.  She has had four babies in the last six years via cesarean section.  She had placenta previa with her most recent pregnancy.  A condition that caused her to have some very significant bleeds.  She ended up spending most of the summer in the hospital, delivered a healthy son via c-section, and ended having an emergency surgery within weeks of the delivery when her incision came open.
We knew we wanted to have a large family.  I'm pretty sure we decided on five kids before we even had the first.  After I ended up delivering D'arcy by c-section, I knew I needed to try for a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean).  A huge factor in the decision is that while a c-section can be a relatively easy surgery to recover from the first or second time, with every subsequent c-section your risk for placenta previa, placenta accreta, surgical adhesions, and delivery-related hysterectomy increase.  Babies delivered by subsequent c-sections are also found to make more trips to the NICU.
I'm not saying that c-sections aren't life saving or unnecessary or always harder than a vaginal birth.  What I am saying is, man, I'm so glad that I was able to have Julian without the need for a second c-section which would have necessitated a third and a fourth and now a fifth.

When you walk out the door with your camera, prepare to be surprised with what you return home with.

I took D'arcy and Maggie out on Maggie's birthday (yes, that was almost a month ago) to take some pictures.  I don't force my kids to sit, smile and take a portrait very often, but I do try on their birthdays.  D'arcy liked her hair band, but disliked her outfit.  She was pouting the whole time.  Maggie turned two.  She was more interested in playing and discovering our neighborhood than sitting still and smiling.  If I pointed the camera at her, she would start waving her hand saying "no pictures!"  I was getting frustrated and started threatening to take away the promised ice cream.  Which is minimally helpful.  

At some point, I remembered that I'm a lifestyle photographer which means I'm trying to capture real, authentic moments.  I very, very, rarely put a simple portrait up on my wall.  So why am I torturing myself and my kids on their birthdays?  I'm always surprised by the picture I love at the end of photographing my family.  Most times it's a picture I didn't set out to take.  It was a picture I took in the midst of life happening.  Here are a few of the shots I took that day that I DID NOT set out to take, but I think show my two daughters' (who are exactly six years and three days apart) relationship.  

Melissa + Joy | AT HOME | Mommy & Me

This month is a little different.  Let me tell you a story.  Joy and I have a mutual friend, Kristin.  Kristin is pregnant, but was put on bed rest to keep baby safe.  Kristin has a house and a four year old.  It's hard to take care of those things when you are on bed rest.  Joy said, "Hey, why don't I ride the bus up from Texas to Kentucky to help you out for a few weeks."  I said, "Hey, Joy, why don't I pay the difference between a Greyhound ticket and a plane ticket, fly you to Indianapolis, and then drive you to Kentucky to hang out with Kristin."  So that's what we did.  Joy got to see me, my house, my kids, my neighborhood.  I got to see Joy and her six month old, Jax.  We both got to see Kristin who is still pregnant.  Awesome.  

Joy had the idea that we take pictures of each other.  I have been so wanting pics of me with each kid. She made it happen.  and I made it happen for her.  So here they are.  

I love their peaches n' cream complexion.  Both look soft and smooth.

I love this photo.  He looks like his daddy here.  

Moms, do remember this?

Love his little grip on her shirt.

Paxton and Kelli got married!

Here is Baby Owen in the stacks.

Melissa + Joy | AT HOME | Story Time

The point of this series is to motivate us to take pictures of everyday life with kids. Joy has done a better job, in my opinion, of picking up the camera when life was happening instead of scheduling life. Kids, we MUST read a book tonight so I can take pictures! Look your BEST! Clean your room!
Instead, I tried hard to pick up the camera spontaneously when I happen to be headed up to read with my kids. In the previous posts, I've included a shot of every child, every time. I want to break away from feeling that is necessary. So Schroeder will not be seen in this post because I didn't pick up the camera spontaneously when I was headed to read with him.
I do read to my kids, but it doesn't happen like clock work. I'm not always in the mood to read before nap time or bedtime. We go to the library, but not weekly. Reading happens when there is a good book to read or when I have a boost of energy before they head to bed. It happens when I put Maggie in bed for nap and she looks so cute that I need to spend just a few more minutes with her.
That's what is dipicted here. D'arcy got the second Harry Potter book for her birthday and they were eager to have it read to them. I finished one chapter and D'arcy decided to keep going on her own until I turned off her light and told her to GO TO SLEEP.
We were invited to go to the library last week and I picked up a Bunny Bag full of board books for Schroe and Mags. They've loved reading the books, and carrying the bag around and unloading them and reloading them. I love that Maggie is repeating the words in the books. Her vocabulary is growing by leaps and bounds each day.
I took D'arcy and Julian's photos late at night. It was completely dark. I decided I wasn't going to use a flash. To be able to have a shutter speed that wasn't horribly slow, I had to turn my ISO up to 5000. Yes, you read that right. The pictures are more than grainy. I didn't change the coloring too much, because that is really what it looked like at that moment. As a photographer, I have to make the decision of how much to leave true to life and how much to edit to make things prettier. I wanted these to be true to life.
I'm in several of these photos. It is difficult to take a self-portrait. It's difficult to set the camera up and focus correctly. It's difficult to look at yourself when I discerning eye isn't helping you with your posture or expression. I'm embracing it. Hoping to take more self-portraits this year.
Check out Joy's blog here.