Julian turns eighteen today.
He got his license in February, and his first job in June. Since we bought a second vehicle last spring, he has easy access to a car and a little money in his pocket, aka independence.
He has used his freedom to go out with friends and on a few dates. He also goes to a lot of movies. He became an AMC movie pass member allowing him to get movie passes much cheaper, a choice he claims was the best decision of his life.
He worked as a dishwasher at the brewery in our neighborhood. He mentioned wanting a job to his uncle at Mother's Day lunch, and his uncle made a connection to the brewery's owner who was looking for part time help. The job made him wrestle with what it feels like to do such a repetitive task for eight hours. His commercial dishwashing skills increased, for sure. I'm not sure that has affected his domestic skills, though.
He often spent time between dish loads studying for his SAT. We made a bet this year. Before taking the SAT, he mentioned a score that I thought was a BIG reach. He thought it would be easy, no problem at all. I (pseudo jokingly) told him if he got that score I would buy him a PS5. He said, nevermind about a PS5, I'll just take $500.
He proceeded to take the test in the spring and got a perfectly good score, the score I anticipated he would get. Determined, he came home and studied all summer. He took it again in August and increased his score by 120 points, only 20 points away from that reach number. I was so impressed by his persistence, I offered him half my pseudo serious bet. This might not be good parenting, but it's been fun.
He goes to an International Baccalaureate school. So much of his diploma program work is big projects that begin junior year and carry over into senior year. He has a lot of soft deadlines, deadlines that are there to help students pace themselves and not procrastinate. Our biggest challenge this year has been agreeing on whether these soft deadlines should be taken seriously. Me, yes. Him, they are not real.
Those arguments have mostly evaporated now that he is a senior because soft deadlines have become a lot more firm. And with minimal help from me, he is prioritizing his work and getting it done. What comes next is college applications.
We had a tear filled conversation in the kitchen over the summer. Ever since we visited Boston three years ago, he's been dreaming of going to school there. I want him to have everything he wants. I want to give him hints and advice on how to get it. The problem is, I don't know how to help him with this one. Schools in Boston are some of the hardest to get into and most expensive. I don't know how to help him get in or how to pay for it. I was frustrated because I didn't see him taking steps to figure it out. I just saw looming disappointment (my biggest fear).
I shared this with Julian who made it clear he didn't expect me to do anything. He told me he is just allowing himself to dream.
He asked for a record player for his birthday. It's a consolation present after I said no to his first request, mother and son chiropractic appointments. Julian is always popping his fingers, neck, and back. I cringe every time. I would rather skydive, literally jump out of a moving plane and fall to the earth with just a flimsy piece of fabric to catch me, than have someone twist my neck to the side. Julian is determined, though, to get us both in an office for adjustments.
Julian is quick to laugh. He is direct in his communication. He has a strong sense of his own style. I love to see him act, hear him play the piano, and watch him interact with his siblings. He has grown in taking responsibility for his own life, and I’m so excited to see where he goes and what he does.
A couple of times, Julian has asked me what I would do if he just up and left when he turned eighteen. It's tempting to take this comment as a threat or an insult. But, I understand that he is seeing and tasting freedom, his life opening up in front of him, the endless possibilities.
Well, I told him I would cancel his credit card and report my van stolen so he probably wouldn't get very far.
But even though this scenario isn't serious, he is getting ready to leave. And when he does, his dad will be reminding him not to be an asshole, and I'll say, "Call your mom sometimes. She's going to miss you."
