Kids say the darndest things...

The other day, I played Ryan Adams cover of Taylor Swift's Album 1989.  If you were considering taking a listen, here is Maggie Lu's review of his cover album.

"Taylor Swift uses different voices on each of her songs.  I like to do that, too.  Taylor Swift and I are, really, a lot alike.  That guy uses the same voice on every song which I do not like."

"I bet that if Taylor Swift was looking for a boyfriend, she wouldn't choose him."

Kids say the darndest things....

It's been awhile since I've posted funny kid quotes.  I've been storing a few up.

D'arcy typically sings in our church's Christmas cantata.  This year all the kids were going to be singing together, but D'arcy was eager for a solo.  She thought long and hard about what she should sing and came to me wth her decision.

"Mom, I decided I'm going to sing Santa Baby at the cantata."  She handed me the lyrics she printed from the internet.

It's February, and I'm still giggling at the idea of my ten year old singing Santa Baby after Silent Night and before Amazing Grace.

She also randomly asked, "Mom, what is the third Christmas color?  I know there is red and green, but isn't there a third?"  I told her that I wasn't aware of a third.  "Oh, yeah, I guess not.  But I think we should add yellow or purple as a third Christmas color.  That would be nice."

I shared this one on Facebook.  D'arcy asked who was singing a song.  I told her it was Ben Folds.  She asked if he went to our church.   I said no.

I love that D'arcy is still a kid and the she still says some of the darndest things.

We were listening to the National Anthem on some sporting event and Schroeder and Maggie ran down the stairs and asked, "Are you listening to George Washington music?!"

Maggie has lots of four year old observations to share.  For example, when Jesus' name came up one day, she said, "I really know there is power in Jesus' blood."

After the superbowl, Maggie asked me, "Is Katy Perry a real person?  Because we don't ever see her in person.  I guess that means Justin Beaver is a real person too.  D'arcy doesn't like his songs.  He's too cocky.  He sings too cocky."  In light of his recent Calvin Klein ads, this observation makes me totally crack up.

Her list of adjectives is growing.  That's one of the beautiful things about kids.  The simple addition and use of a new word makes you smile.  Maggie was writing her Valentine cards and wanted to draw a heart on Annie's.  I told her to do the best she could.  After making a pretty good attempt she looked up at me and said with a squished up face, "Grrrrr, it looks a little clumsy, Mom.  All my hearts look clumsy."

Kids say the darndest things.

Everyone decided to throw up this weekend. If they weren't throwing up on me, they were throwing up on large, bulky blankets that now require washing. After the first kid got sick, we started jumping up whenever we heard the kids start coughing or at least crossing our fingers hoping the other person was jumping. That's how it starts. They cough. Then they gag. It all happens so quick, too quick to get to the bathroom. And once they start, the best bet is just to stay where you are at instead of leaving a trail down the hall.

Like most days with kids, I'm just trying to take enjoyment from what comes out of their mouths. Well, at least, the words that come out.

Maggie had a couple funny things to say this morning. On Mondays, we all get up and get out the door. Julian and D'arcy head to school. Stephen heads to work. The rest of us head to the Y where Schroeder goes to preschool, Maggie takes a tumbling class, and I take a workout class. What!? So we all have to be out the door by nine which is ridiculously, but truthfully, a big stretch for us. I was getting Penelope dressed and Maggie wanted me to get her some breakfast pronto.

Me: Maggie, I can't do two things at once.
Maggie: But, Mom, you have two hands.

At three, her cleverness makes me proud. If she says this to me in a couple of years, I'll have a different reaction.

I was brushing her hair and she pointed to a book on the floor (Stephen's stack of bathroom books).

Maggie: Mom, is that Justin Beiber?
Me: Nope, that is Hunter S Thompson.

I guess she learned about him from her almost ten year old sister who is a big fan of Selena Gomez. Or maybe she learned it from watching The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon on Hulu with me. She approached a lady at church a couple of weeks ago and said in her little three year old voice, "You look like Lady Gaga."

Kids say the darndest things...

Maggie will turn three next Wednesday (the 28th).  I've mentioned to Stephen my desire to capture how she expresses herself these days.  It's not enough to document what she says because how she says it is just as important.  Video might be necessary.  She uses her hands, head, and eyebrows to show you how serious EVERYTHING is.  Everything has a little extra emphasis these days.

No video today, though.  Just a few moments that have made me chuckle lately as opposed to making me frustrated.  These days it's about 90% frustration and 10% chuckles.  

One day the four big kids were upstairs playing dress up.  They had come down once to show us their getups and shared that Schroeder was D'arcy's prince and Julian was Maggie's in their charade.  I went upstairs twenty minutes later and the situation had fallen apart.  Maggie shared in the saddest way, "Mommy, no one will marry me!"  My heart broke a little for her until I remembered it was all just a game.  I hope she never has to feel that way as an adult.  

She's been big into giving me makeovers lately.  I sort of chuckled the other day when she asked if she could.  She said, "Makeovers aren't funny."  No, they are very serious.  

She came into my bathroom wearing something ridiculous and announced that she was a "style girl".  Are you seeing a theme of play?  She spends several moments every morning observing herself in the mirror in our room.  

She has been dressing herself lately, and I have to consistently ask her if she has put panties on because she tends to forget that detail.  She doesn't like that question and told me the other day, "Mommy, panties don't go with this dress."  I'm determined to convince her that panties go with EVERYTHING.  

One unrelated moment from Schroeder.  He and Maggie were eating lunch in the kitchen the other day.  He was telling her that I had gotten something out of the refrigerator.  He said, "Do you know Mommy keeps saying it wrong.  She keeps calling it a fridge instead of a REfridgeERATOR.  Pshhhhhhhh (insert ridiculous sound and eyeroll)."  They both began laughing at my stupidity.  

Kids say the darndest things...

This afternoon, I'm going to pick D'arcy up from school and we will be taking home three chicks.  They have been watching them hatch in their classroom and now need a home.  D'arcy wanted them to live at our house, but instead they will be going to live with our friends, Twon, Alan, Alida, and Adam who already have chickens and the proper equipment to care for them.

D'arcy came to me last night and says, "So, mom, what is happening tomorrow?  Let's make a plan."

I say, "It's pretty simple.  The plan is that I will pick you up and bring the chicks home. What else do you need to know?"

D'arcy says, "Well, what box are we going to take them home in?"

I shrug and say that I'll find something tomorrow.

She says, "So we are just going to wing it?!"

Chuckling, I say, "Yes, that's pretty much how this house works.  Where have you been for eight years?"

Poor girl seems to desire to plan ahead but is strapped with parents who fly by the seat of their pants.  Daily, D'arcy asks what we'll be doing tomorrow in the morning?  and what about the evening?  And I start to shake and say "I don't know!!!  Stop drilling me about our schedule."

On another completely different note, I was reminding Maggie this morning that we still don't know if the baby is a girl or a boy.  She is adamant that it is a girl.  Schroeder steps in to back me up and says, "Maggie, we don't know if the baby has a penis AND a butt OR NO penis and JUST a butt."

Precisely.

Kids say the darndest things...

My cousin's son was recently diagnosed with a brain tumor.  From what I understand, they saw some symptoms back in January that worried them, but it took several months to get into a specialist.  Once they saw the specialist, things moved pretty rapidly.  He was diagnosed one week and was scheduled for surgery the next.  In surgery, they worked to identify the type of tumor and to remove as much of it as possible.

It was interesting telling the kids that their cousin and friend had a brain tumor.  Jared is only ten which makes him just old enough for Julian to both play with him and idolize him.  My kids are familiar with cancer since my mom just spent a year in her own battle with it.  We told them there was a possibility that the tumor could be cancerous.  They didn't seem as scared as I imagined they would be.  Thankfully, they didn't get to see the full range of what cancer can do to a person since my mom lost her hair and then got better.  All they were worried about was going to get him a get well present.

The day of the surgery, I took Schroeder and Maggie to the hospital while the other kids were in school.  Here was our conversation.

S, "Where are we going, Mom?"
M, "To Riley Hospital to see Jared because he is having surgery today."
S, "But Riley is dead."
M, "Yes, Grandma's dog named Riley did die, but this is a hospital called Riley."
S, "Oh, is it the hospital with the stickers?"
(I'm trying to remember which hospital had stickers.)
M, "No, we've never been to this one.  This is a hospital just for kids."  (I'm thinking how thankful I am that we've never had to go there.)
S, "Oh, then they'll have lots of toys there, right?"
M, "Ummmm, probably not in the waiting room where we'll be."

Our conversation continued once we arrived.

S, "Wow, this place has a lot of corners."
S, "Hey, mom, where is Jared at?"
M, "Oh, sorry man, Jared is in surgery.  We are just coming to sit with his family."
S, "But you said we were coming to see Jared."
Yep, I did.  Whoops.

When we went to the bathroom down the hall.

S, "Oh, is Jared down here?"
M, "Not sure dude, this place has a lot of corners :)."

As we were leaving, my dad helped us find our car and we rode down the glass elevator in the main lobby.

Grandpa, "Do you see all the water down there Schroeder?"
S, "Yep, we could kick in this glass, jump down and go swimming."
S, "And what if we swam naked!?  Ha!"

I think I was paying extra close attention to his comments due to the situation.  Maybe they wouldn't seem as sweet or cute if he wasn't saying them in light of a visit to the hospital to wait out Jared's surgery.

Ultimately, Jared's tumor was found to be benign.  He was in surgery for 30 hours!  We had no idea that they would take that long.  They were able to get all of the tumor.  You can imagine how big and complicated it was if it took that long.  Jared is doing well, but is still in the hospital undergoing physical therapy to help him recover.

Kids say the darndest things...

Stephen and I are pretty big Radiohead fans.  Laura Allen can testify that I listened to them A LOT in college. Definitely, we are listening less often these days.  I've spent a couple afternoons in my bedroom working on making a space for our new baby.  I set up a crib and hung some pictures.  We had a chance to listen to the baby's first CD, Rockabye Baby!  Lullaby Renditions of Radiohead, which was lovingly given to us by our friends Jon and Kelly.
He liked most of the tunes, and told me he thought the baby would really like it.  Forget the music, though.  He wanted to know, "Mom, who is that on the cover."
"Well, Schroeder, that is the Radiohead bear."
A half hour later he said, "Mom, I wonder what the Radiohead bear's voice sounds like."
That is a question I couldn't answer.
Today, as we were hanging some more pictures above the crib and listening to the CD, he says, "Mom, does the Radiohead Bear have a mom and dad?"
We've been reading this barely tolerable repetitive book by Eric Carle called Does A Kangaroo Have A Mother, too?  Eric Carle includes EVERY animal you can think of and we discover that they all, in fact, have mothers.  But that dude left out the Radiohead Bear.
So I said to Schroeder, "Do alligators have mothers?" in the same rhythm of the book, and he instantly understood that despite his crazy appearance, Radiohead Bear was once loved by a Mother and Father.

Kids say the darndest things...

We were listening to ABC by the Jackson 5 in the car the other day. The chorus says ABC easy as 123.

Julian says to me, "Mom, actually singing your ABCs is easier than counting. There are only twenty something letters and you're done. Numbers just get higher and higher and once you start you could count for your whole life and never be done."

Oh, snap. Take that ten year old Michael Jackson.

Husbands say the darndest things...

Stephen is thoughtful and pretty fantastic at gift giving.  He never bemoans going out for Valentine's Day (or any other special occassion).  If we could just pinpoint when Valentine's Day is, exactly.

D'arcy came home the other day with a flyer saying they were having a dance at her school on February 21st.  (On a side note, it's during school hours for K-5 grades in lieu of Valentine's parties.  D'arcy brought down a pair of earrings the other day and said, "I think I'll wear these to the BALL."  Julian informed me that it isn't a slow dance kind of thing, it's just a crazy, fast dance event.  He proceeded to show me how he plans to dance.  He should fit right in to the crazy part.)

Anyway, Stephen says, "Well, you know what else that day is, don't you kids?"

Knowing that he can NEVER, NEVER pinpoint Valentine's Day on a calendar, I egg this conversation on.  I say, "Isn't that the day after your mom's birthday?"

Stephen, looking confused says, "Isn't that ...."  He trails off because he knows what my mean smile means, and follows up with, "Well, when is Valentine's Day?"

February 17....no 13....no 23rd??????  

Kids say the darndest things...

It's almost jacket weather.  ALMOST.  But Schroeder decided he wanted to get his out yesterday.

He comes upstairs with his star wars hooded jacket on and says the following.

"Mom, rip my jacket!  Rip it!"  Huh?  "Do you mean zip your jacket, Schroe?" Nod.

"Mom, will you put up the folder!"  Huh?  "Do you mean you want the hood up?" Nod.

"Thanks, mom.  I didn't want all my hair to blow away."

Schroeder is so well spoken that it is funny when he struggles to find the right word.  On the other hand, Maggie is so new to speaking, it is so wonderful when she says something perfectly.

Maggie MADE MY DAY this morning.  We were still laying in bed.  She was already busy finding treasures in my room.  She located the box with my wedding shoes in them and was walking around the house in them.  She looked up at me and said, "My shoes are in my locker."  She is right.  We each have a locker downstairs where we keep our shoes.  I look at Stephen and I say all sappy like, "SHE USED THE WORD LOCKER IN A COMPLETE SENTENCE!  I'm so proud!"  Watching kids learn language is one of my very favorite parts of parenting.  Four kids in and it has not gotten old.

Kids say the darndest things...

Everyday during upstairs playtime, the kids turn on their (well, my mom's) Beatles CD.  It's a collection of all the Beatles biggest hits.  Stephen and I like The Beatles, but our kids LOVE them.

Today, Julian turned to me while we were picking up and doing some minor redecorating of their room and said, "Mom, why did the Beatles break up?"

I said, "It all started with a girl named Yoko Ono."  They all gave me a skeptical look.

I feel like my kids have been running wild lately which makes me think we aren't great parents.  But when our five year old asked that question, I start to believe we are doing something right ;).

Kids say the darndest things...

Maggie has learned the word "mine".  Enough said.

When I gave up Mountain Dew in January, I replaced it with a much healthier, albeit more expensive, Passion Iced Tea from Starbucks.  It's herbal tea without caffeine, and I have them replace the syrup with splenda (I know y'all are going to say that isn't healthy but...).  I get it quite often (almost daily) and if it runs out during the day, I make more at home and put it in the Starbucks cup.  Everything tastes better through a green straw.

My kids love to drink my drink.  I love, love, love when Schroeder comes up to me and whispers is his little voice, "Mom, can I have a drink of your ice passion tea?"  As cute as that is, the answer is usually no, though.  It is MINE!  (Ha ha, just realizing who Maggie learned that from.)

Julian tried to sneak into my kitchen the other night while I was cooking to steal a sip.  I pointed my spatula at him and told him to put the drink down slowly and walk away.  He did, but then picked it up again and put his lips around the straw.  "What are you doing?", I yelled.  "I said no more!"

He says, "Oh, I'm not getting any more.  I'm putting back what I already got."

My last two little stories come from D'arcy.  I love her because she is driven and ambitious and oh so sappy.  Sometimes these things make her difficult to parent.

On Father's Day, I totally failed.  Stephen had nothing waiting for him.  I went out to breakfast with my friend and forgot to even leave him the keys to go grab himself some coffee before church.  I didn't even coach the kids to tell him Happy Father's Day on Sunday morning, but D'arcy saved the day.  The very first thing she did when she woke up was walk into our room and tell her Daddy "Happy Father's Day!"  We then heard her go back to her bedroom and coach her brothers to do the same.

FYI, Stephen is really great father.  And I also pretty much failed with my dad, but, for the record, I'm thankful for him too.  He's been doing a great job caring for my mom and my kids sure love their grandpa!

Back to D'arcy.  Having her around in the summer can be challenging.  She wants to know what our plans are.  She wants to corner me into a commitment about what we'll do tomorrow so she can hold me to my word.   All that to say, I don't tell her what our plans are until the hour before they happen.  I  very rarely make promises.

Last week, on her first day of summer vacation, we spent the morning going to a movie at the library, eating Jimmy John's for lunch, and going to tennis lessons.  When we arrived home around 2:30, I told her that I needed to rest before I went to my photo session that evening.  I was going to put Maggie to bed and expected her and her brothers to play quietly until it was time to pick up Daddy.

"Oh, mom, I know what I can do.  I can take the new air pump, pump up my bike tires and ride around the neighborhood."  No, that isn't quiet play and you don't know how to use the new air pump, yet.

"Oh, ok, well then I have another plan.  I can get a big bucket of water, shave pieces of chalk into the water and then dip a paper inside to make art."  AAAAAHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

Kids say the darndest things...

Julian just came up to me and said the following that I don't ever want to forget.

Mom, I got this piece (holding up a tiny red piece intended as an ornament) with my lego christmas tree but I don't really need it so I'm going to use it as a self destruct button and put it with my big box of mixed legos.

They always leave those self destruct buttons out of LEGO sets.

Kids say the darndest things...

I apologize that five out of the last ten of my posts have been "Kids say the darndest things...". I think I've been to busy to write anything more substantial. We left for vacation last Thursday and stopped in Atlanta to spend a couple nights with some dear friends, the Knoltes. We were friends with them for probably 4 years before we discovered their last name did not start with a K and by that point we had already started to fondly refer to them as the ka-noltes so the K remains on Christmas Cards and blog posts.

On the way to Atlanta, we try to ease the pain of the "are we there, yet?" question by giving D'arcy a map with the route highlighted and asked her to read the road signs to follow our progress. She seemed to do fairly well and announced to us as we entered Atlanta that Exit could be broken into two words, egg and zit. Huh?

Anyway, I shared this next story with my mother-in-law and she asked if I was going to share this one on the blog. It was embarrassing enough to begin with... but here goes. The Knoltes took us to the Martin Luther King Jr museum which was profound and inspiring and thought provoking. We were in the room with pictures and memorabilia from MLK's death and funeral. There was a floral cross which also contained some vines, you know, a very large arrangement that would stand beside a casket. Schroeder came into the room and immediately said "He's gone." when he saw the cross. I'm guessing he was referring to Jesus. Then he said something horrifying but in reference to the vines on the cross. He said, "it's a monkey. hoo hoo ha ha." Um...what? Everyone in the room is appropriately somber and thoughtful about this very sensitive topic and, I'm sorry, what did you say?

Kids say the darndest things...

D'arcy: "Mom, one of my friends at school's dad lost his job so I gave my friend one of your business cards to give to her dad."

Me: "Ummmm...why? So I could give him a job?"

D'arcy: "Yeah."

Kids say the darndest things...

I've been taking the babies to The Indianapolis Children's Museum a morning or two a week. It's a great opportunity just to focus on them at this sweet age while the older kids are busy being schooled. Normally we just hang in the playscape, but this morning I took them to the frog exhibit. I guess Schroeder needs some schooling of his own because he struggled to tell me what animal we were looking at. At first he called them bugs. Then he really focused and noticed the quality that really defines them, their webbed feet. Then he shouts out, "It's Spiderman!"

Kids say the darndest things...

We've always said that D'arcy is our little lawyer, and from a young age, we've been convinced that Julian WAS NOT intended for that profession.

Example.
Me: Julian, we talked about flushing items, besides excrement, down the toilet. (Yes, he previously flushed a pearl necklace of D'arcy's down the toilet. And, yet, he can't seem to flush after he pees.) Why did you flush D'arcy's money down the toilet?

I was expecting him to either shrug or come up with some excuse for why flushing it down the toilet was the proper thing to do. That's what D'arcy would do.

Julian: Because I was mad that D'arcy can buy more things than me.

This type of directness from him ALWAYS catches me off guard and it makes me laugh.

Me: Well, Exactly. I'm glad you are so in tune with your motivations.

Kids say the darndest things...

It feels like 9 out of 10 "Kids say the darndest things..." post should really be titled "Julian says the darndest things..."

Yesterday, Julian stubbed his toe. He was crying and I said, "Are you ok? Do you need a hug?" He came over for a hug and then informed me that "Are you ok?" was really a silly question because when it hurts you can't answer if you are ok or not. He told me that he can only say he is ok when it stops hurting. Good point. I told him the next time he was hurt I would give him a hug and then tell him to tell me when it stopped hurting. I started going down the stairs. He turned around, began taking his clean clothes out of the basket to put them away and the basket came up and banged him right in the face. Julian let out a wail. Stephen chuckled from the bathroom because neither of us realized how soon we would be able to put our new policy into practice.

Later, we sat down to dinner.
Me: "How was your day at work?" (Talking to Stephen)
Julian: "Did they make you a vice president?"

Kids say the darndest things...

We were walking home from Scotty's Brewhouse the other day with a friend. Someone passed by and said, "Look at all the little cuties!" Julian looks at me and says, "Mommy, why did they just call me a cutie?" I shrug. He continues, "I'm not a cutie. I'm awesome."

On another day, Julian gets in the car and asks "Mom, could we listen to the song that goes 'Are we human or are we dancers?'" Later he says, "Turn on that song, you know, the one that starts 'There's a fire starting in my heart, Reaching a fever pitch and it's mumble mumble mumble.'"

He was right, he is awesome.

Kids say the darndest things...

Now that we are in our home and getting settled, it's time to break my blog silence. I have many posts on my mind and heart, but I'll start with this sweet, simple one.

I was hanging photos and shelves on the walls of our home this morning. I was making progress. Then I hit a stud. I didn't have a drill which meant that my little screw wasn't getting through.

Me: Damn it.
Schroeder: Damn it.

I turn to give my little mimic a raised eyebrow which should be translated to "thanks for being around to mimic me in my finest hour". Schroeder throws his hands up, gives a little chuckle, and says "I talking."