Book Recommendation: Loving Our Kids on Purpose: Making a Heart-to-Heart Connection

So I read this parenting book from cover to cover. I've shocked myself because although I read loads of fiction and plenty of biographies, I rarely read a "self-help" book of any kind. And I certainly don't read the whole book. The Bradley Method Birthing book...nope, I skimmed it. What to Expect When You're expecting...I read month one and never opened it again. My mother-in-law has sent plenty of good parenting books my way which sit on my bed side table which displays my good intentions, but they never really get read. I think mostly I parent by intuition, and I try to pick up ideas and thoughts from conversations with other moms or teachers (or supernanny).

This book caught my attention after a friend read it and kept mentioning it in her facebook status updates. I was skeptical at first, but then remembered another book she had suggested to me years ago. We both delivered our first child in the fall of 2004, she had delivered in a birth center without pain medication and I had a c-section. We saw each other not long after our births, she shared about her experience and after hearing about my c-section she encouraged me to read this book called Supernatural Childbirth. I'm not sure exactly what was said, but I definitely remember feeling angry and thinking, "You're about two months too late. You make it sound so easy just to make the choice to have a baby at home and effectively say no to all major interventions. I made the best choices I knew how to make and waded through a lot of pain to try to have a natural childbirth. You are in outer-space if you think that a pain free childbirth is even possible."

I don't think my friend had any intention to hurt my feelings, and I'm sure she had no clue how alone and sad I felt about what happened when my daughter was born. She was maybe the first real person I knew who had a birth outside of a hospital, and she certainly got me thinking. Eventually, I got pregnant again, and by that point, we were planted in San Antonio where home birth and midwives are quite prevalent (at least compared to Indy). I met loads of people who had delivered at home, and even a few who had a VBAC at home. The decision to go this direction was super scary, and the book she had recommended came to mind. I stumbled across it at a used book store and read it three or four times while I was pregnant with Julian. It spoke of praying for and having faith for the outcome you want for you pregnancy and delivery...even to the point of praying for a painless delivery. I didn't have faith for that while pregnant with Julian, but with Schroeder and Maggie, I certainly prayed for a short, easy, as close to pain free delivery as possible, the kind of delivery that Jewish women had in Exodus Chapter 1. You can read my delivery stories for both of them to see how that turned out.

So after a year of hearing about this book, I finally jumped on Amazon and ordered "Loving Our Kids on Purpose: Making a Heart-to-Heart Connection".

This book made me do what I think all "self-help" books should. It made me think. I've shared on several occasions that I struggle with anger while parenting. I mentioned earlier in the year that I was trying to focus on the word peace in regards to it in my home, specifically with my kids. I think I kept going back to anger because it was a form of power over my kids. When I didn't have the energy to do anything else, I used anger because it worked (sometimes, sort of, and definitely on a short term basis).

This book made me think about power. I'm convinced that parenting has nothing to do with controlling a child's behavior and has everything to do about teaching a child to control their own behavior. It's a subtle difference, but a powerful one, I think. I was using anger (usually in the form of shouting) to control my child's behavior. But now I'm not controlling their behavior but instead guiding them to control their own behavior, then all of a sudden yelling isn't necessary. The need for it is eliminated. I'm also more focused on controlling my own behavior, keeping my own temper, not throwing a fit myself. I can only control myself not my kids. This also negates the use of shouting 95% of the time.

This book made me think about giving my kids options on how to accomplish an ultimate goal. What's important is the ultimate goal. Many times there are many valid paths to it. This would give the kids room to have power over themselves and to problem solve. Power over one self is freedom and kids need and will demand freedom. Did I mention that giving options or being open to my kids suggesting alternative paths to the same goal is extremely difficult? "Are you arguing with me?" "Are you trying to undermine my authority?" "Who is the parent here?" "I'm the parent!" Yep, this conversation is common in our household, and, yes, I would definitely use the phrase undermine my authority to my children. Why not boost their vocabulary in the process?I'm trying to learn to say. "That's fine. If you have a better plan, execute it. I think you are smart and resourceful, but if you need help to think a plan through, I'm here. Peace out."

This book made me think about discipline and that it doesn't have to hurt. It simply needs to help them learn good habits and good decision making. Keep the ultimate goal in mind, a human being that is healthy, happy, and a productive member of society (or something like that).

I attend a MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) group at a church on the south side. This year, the heart of the leaders is to help each mom grow in her own mommyhood. We all have different styles and opinions. We all have different kids, too. So we aren't there to compare but to encourage each other. This book has encouraged me so I'm passing it along. Read it from cover to cover. No skimming!

Book Recommendation: Toot & Puddle

I rescued this book from my mother's christmas garage sale. She was going to sell this little treasure for $.50! Every year, I set a box out full of Christmas books, DVDs, and Advent supplies. The kids can pull out items throughout the month as they prepare to celebrate. All our belongings are still packed away in my in-laws garage so this may not happen this year. Thanks to my mom's garage sale, though, the kids will have one fantastic Christmas book to look at, Toot & Puddle's I'll be home for Christmas.
Toot & Puddle are a sweet little pair of pigs that live in some hippie dippie place called Woodcock Pocket. Their home is quaint and cozy and full of love. I love their character and relationship, but what I absolutely LOVE about this book is the pictures. I love them because they are LOVELY. Holly Hobbie, the auther and illustrator, is also an artist. If her paintings look anything like her picture books, I would totally hang them on my walls.
Is it possible to love the books you read to your kids? It is.

Book Recommendation: Ramona

I remember liking and relating to the Ramona books by Beverly Cleary when I was an elementary aged girl. I decided this summer that it was time to introduce Ramona to my children. I wanted to make sure they discovered her first via the books before they discovered her in a movie. If you haven't heard, they are about to release a movie entitled Beezus and Ramona. You can watch the trailer here. I think I'll be disappointed in the movie because it seems like they are making Ramona out to be a little too cute, a little to mischievous, a little too "Disney".
I've been reading Ramona Forever chapter by chapter to D'arcy and Julian, and I'm reminded of all the things I love about this character. She's not beautiful. She's a little sassy. She worries about both trivial things and important things. She wants her mom and dad to be happy. She's independent, but still needs reassurance and support. She's occasionally willing to admit these needs. She's ordinary, and the situations she encounters are ordinary. She makes mistakes, but she is learning about herself and others. She's growing up.
Julian liked the chapter about burying the dead cat named picky-picky. D'arcy is looking forward to details of the new baby that will enter the Quimby house. They both enjoy the illustrations that are sprinkled throughout the book. Ramona might not be the perfect child you want your kids to become, but she just might be a character that your kids relate to and that reminds you of how tough growing up can be.

Book Recomendation: My First Little House Books

I know some of you loved the Little House on the Prairie books as children, and if you didn't read the books, you probably watched the Little House on the Prairie TV series. I can't say that I got through the whole book series, but reading these books to my kids has made me want to try again even as an adult. The My First Little House Books follow the basic plot line of the original books and are a great way to introduce your children to Ma, Pa, big sister Mary, little sister Carrie, Jack the bulldog, and, of course, Laura Ingalls herself.

Book Recommendation: Amazing Baby: Baby, Boo!

This book is perfect for babies aged 9-18 months. I didn't choose it, Julian did. He was probably 10 months old when it found it's way into our library bag. He was instantly enthralled with the babies in the book. I remember him giggling at every page, and especially at the end where the book climaxes. Yes, their is a build up and climax in a baby book! I look forward to the boo! page with every read because I know it's going to bring forth a giggle, or at least it did with Julian. At age 2, D'arcy memorized the words and would read it to him over and over again. We even took video of it with our old phone. Hmmm...Stephen do you still have that?

We had so much fun with this book, that I was determined to buy it for Schroeder. Grammy helped us out with that at Christmas time. She found the BIG board book on Amazon which is even better than the smaller version we had borrowed from the library so many times. I wasn't sure if Schroeder would like it as much as JuJu did, but this book has proven to be more than just an individual favorite. Schroeder is compelled to grab the book and kiss the babies in the first four pages, and the boo! page never fails to produce a smile. Then I close the book and pop it back open again which gets a bigger smile. Then I close the book and pop it open one more time to get that hard earned laugh.

Book Recommendation: We're Going on a Bear Hunt

We read a lot of kid books at our house. I really enjoy reading to the kids. I'm pretty animated. I've even tried to use accents (when reading Charlie & Lola) but the kids protested. I usually let the kids pick out their own books, but I have veto power. No, I will not read Wall-E to you. At least not more than once a year. However, some books I enjoy just as much as the kids do.
I first heard the book, "We're Going on a Bear Hunt" by Michael Rosen, at the Library during ABC club. It held my attention. The illustrations are cozy, impressionistic, and beautiful. They alternate between black and white and color. The book, like many children's books, repeats itself. The words are melodic, though, so you can almost sing through them. There's lots of fun sound non-words that make the pictures come alive some of which you just can't help but move to.
Anyway, for those of you reading to kids or are a big kid themselves, check out "We're Going on a Bear Hunt".